Choosing happiness

I met an old friend for lunch recently and as is common with old acquaintances, we reminisced on the past.  I was asked if I was happy.  My response to them was that yes, and that I have chosen to be happy.

It is altogether too easy to be reactive and mindless in ones emotions.  Jack Canfield in quotes in his success principles that event+reaction = outcome, a mantra I constantly remind myself of.

With 2018 drawing to a close, I am all the more determined to choose happiness.

  1. To turn my frowns upside down (one of my daughter’s favourite quotes)
  2. To keep seeing the good in people
  3. Spread positive vibes

Emotions are contagious.  Let us all mindfully choose happiness over sadness, sweetness over bitterness.

The day I betrayed myself

You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.  And chose them wisely I did.  Prioritising quality over quantity, the friendships I celebrate and maintain are the ones where the relationship is effortless, give and take is the norm and we are united by love and respect.

One particular friendship has deteriorated over time.  I am only just coming out of a period of doubt, low self-esteem and you should never kick someone when they are down.  She did, about a year ago and I remember being pushed into a corner filled with despair.  I attended a stress management course last year and explained to my counsellor that every time I met this friend thereafter, I experience a form of PTSD.  My counsellor asked why I continued to invest in the friendship – you see, I have known her other half for many years.  He was one of my first friends in London and is one of those people you would be lucky to have in your life – caring, considerate and just lovely.  I felt compelled to continue with this friendship, otherwise I risked losing him.  A brother I wished I had, if you will.

But I couldn’t shake off the PTSD.  Against my better judgement, I invited them over for dinner last Saturday.  I spent three hours cooking and my husband helped tidy up the house.  Throughout the day, I was in a state of panic – worrying about what she was going to say to me.  I was filled with negative energy and kept trying to remind myself that what I focus on expands.  Did I manifest a disastrous evening?

Well she didn’t disappoint.  Verbal attacks commenced very soon over dinner.  I stood my ground politely, and I saw how uncomfortable our husbands looked.  When the next attack happened, I softened my stance out of consideration for my own husband – and carried on tidying up and putting away the dishes.  I avoided eye contact and wished they would leave.  I felt assaulted.

I betrayed myself.  This was one relationship I should have severed 2 years ago.  I should never have let her in again, and to be verbally assaulted in my own home, after I had spent hours cooking and making the house comfortable for their visit.

My husband and I both love our friend (the other half), but this is just not a healthy relationship to pursue.

A good friendship is meant to be nourishing for the soul, not detrimental.

And so, as I put an end to this friendship, I wish them well.  Always.


Green hair

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were in deep discussion about life and our future plans – career, healthy lifestyle goals, buying a bigger house, travels.  We both acknowledged that it is easy to let fear limit our hopes.  We talked about all that we have achieved in our lives thus far – tough exams, buying our current home within two years of getting married, always being blessed to be in well-paying jobs.. the list is endless.

What is stopping us from envisaging more for ourselves in the coming years? I want to continue learning and dream of attending a course at Harvard, we both want a study, playroom and music room in our new house and we would love to visit China, India and Japan.

Feeling gratitude for all our achievements and experiences to date, it felt good to put our wishes out there to the universe.  It’s a bit like new year resolutions.  You are bound to follow through if you shared your resolutions with someone.

I can already feel actions are in motion to get us closer to our new wishes and dreams but my husband needed a bit of convincing.   I said to him to look our for a girl with green hair during the week.  I pictured bright green hair, in amongst dull wintry greyness.

On Tuesday, as I was heading down the escalator, I spotted a girl with green hair!  The next day as I got into the Tube, I see two ladies opposite me.  One with a green beanie hat.  The other wearing a khaki parka with neon green fur!  On Thursday morning, my husband sent me a text which read ‘I’ve just spotted a girl with green hair’.

A happy coincidence? It sure makes me look forward to Harvard!


Mother-daughter affirmations

My daughter and I started a ritual over the last 10 days.  Though the time we spend daily is limited due to school and work, I want to continue setting a positive tone in her life.  I reflected upon what I could do to create impact in her life, one that she would remember and carry with her always.

It just came to me naturally.  I called her over, held both her hands in mind and asked her to repeat these affirmations after me:

  1. I am beautiful
  2. I am smart
  3. I am intelligent
  4. I am kind
  5. I am happy
  6. I am joyful
  7. I am healthy
  8. I am wealthy
  9. I am love

My sweet daughter obliged and repeated each of the above like she meant every word.  No questions asked.

I want her to know that she is all of the above and when we say them together, the affirmations have a deeper, stronger tone to them.

I feel each word in my heart for myself, as I do for her.